Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Haunting

The boys are at the grandparents.

E is in New York.

And I am here at the house relaxing and rejuvenating.

Or at least I am supposed to be.

My big goal was to get a good night of sleep. And I'm not sure why that is eluding me so skillfully.

I mean, I did ride ten miles on my bike and run a 5k yesterday. I thought for sure my body would knock me out.

Instead I woke up at 4:00am, as usual.

I did go back to sleep but was haunted in dreams by ghosts of people past. Not people who have passed. Rather people in my past.

Oh. I am tired of this. I am tired of being haunted by people and situations I cannot control.

The friends I am no longer close to.

The friends and family I cannot please.

Outside of the dreams I am torn between letting go of situations or continuing to try. The thing is, I am tired of being the only one who tries. And being blamed either way.

I don't know how to rid myself of these conflicting emotions...and the guilt.

I need an exorcism.

1 comment:

Walkers said...

In life you will find, that you cannot please everyone. I have learned this many ways, a lot of it from my own family. But I have learned that my sweet little family that I have will always get me through whatever trial that I face. They are the reason I love my life. Also know too, that no matter what decisions you make in life, whatever path you decide to take - I love you! You are a wonderful person and I am blessed to know you!