The boys are at the grandparents.
E is in New York.
And I am here at the house relaxing and rejuvenating.
Or at least I am supposed to be.
My big goal was to get a good night of sleep. And I'm not sure why that is eluding me so skillfully.
I mean, I did ride ten miles on my bike and run a 5k yesterday. I thought for sure my body would knock me out.
Instead I woke up at 4:00am, as usual.
I did go back to sleep but was haunted in dreams by ghosts of people past. Not people who have passed. Rather people in my past.
Oh. I am tired of this. I am tired of being haunted by people and situations I cannot control.
The friends I am no longer close to.
The friends and family I cannot please.
Outside of the dreams I am torn between letting go of situations or continuing to try. The thing is, I am tired of being the only one who tries. And being blamed either way.
I don't know how to rid myself of these conflicting emotions...and the guilt.
I need an exorcism.
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1 comment:
In life you will find, that you cannot please everyone. I have learned this many ways, a lot of it from my own family. But I have learned that my sweet little family that I have will always get me through whatever trial that I face. They are the reason I love my life. Also know too, that no matter what decisions you make in life, whatever path you decide to take - I love you! You are a wonderful person and I am blessed to know you!
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