Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Pending distance...

I realize that distance is usually what makes the heart grow fonder. However, I have noticed that pending distance makes the heart take notice and grow fonder. At some point in the near future the town I am in will no longer be my town. Not sure when exactly and not sure exactly what will take me away. With that somewhat impending notion I have found myself taking notice of things I am sure to miss. Of course sometimes it makes me feel as though I’d hate to leave, when in reality I am dying to go.

So to exercise the fondness, ten of them, in no particular order are:

* having mountains literally in my backyard
* four very distinct and glorious seasons, all marked easily by the stream next to our home
* the ability to walk downtown at all hours of the day and night, with no fear
* access to the award-winning library, new museums, and eclectic restaurants with no commuting
* clean, crisp, breathable air
* the way downtown looks when I’m driving home late at night. Realizing that ‘the downtown’ is my home.
* feeling different, in a good way, than many of my neighbors
* having lots of kids around the neighborhood for my kids to interact with
* memories. Almost ten years of apartments, friends, classes, crushes, personal disasters, and professional heights all in one place.
* the birth places and first homes of my children. This one is really hard.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


I have found a few blogs that I find absolutely hilarious. They are great to read while avoiding my homework, dirty diapers, dishes, etc. Every once and a while I get the urge to add a comment - most of the time I'm just a 'lurker' (I think that is the term).

I find it fascinating that when I do want to comment I am asked to verify my human authenticity by typing a random assortment of letters and sometimes numbers.

I get it. I'm not stupid and I understand the reasons for it. Having a blog myself I appreciate not having comments by computer spammers or whatever.

I do think that it is an interesting statement however. Since most computers spell better than us 'humans' I think it would be more effective if:

a) a voice announced a word and directed us to spell it. I'd like to see how many people could spell real words rather than random letters. I'd be screwed if they said 'definite' - for some reason that one boggles me.
b) Readers were asked to spell a word that was already written out. For example:
'To comment on this blog, please spell acerbic.' Our blog generation is not that great at reading directions or at spelling and it would be funny to see how many people give up even though the word is already written for them!

It's like when you play Cranium and you hit the G-N-I-L-L-E-P-S card (where the word has to be spelled backwards) and the card reader actually has to turn the card OVER to read the backwards spelling instead of just reading the word backwards on the original spelling. You know?

I've decided for each new conglomeration of letters I have to spell to post a comment, I am going to create a new word.

~ having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

the voices in my head

By now many of you who read this might already suspect that I am crazy. Well the subject of this post is sure to confirm that notion for you. However - it is really just one voice, my own. And I know for a fact that everyone else does this same thing so I'm not THAT crazy.

I mean, come on. We all interpret things internally. For example, someone might say to you 'Gosh it's been a long time since I've seen you. You've really changed'. You then think to yourself 'Changed? Changed for the good? Changed for the bad?’ Of course depending on your level of consciousness (id, ego, superego and all that crap) you might spend more time interpreting: 'Does that mean I'm fat?' 'Do they not like my hair?' 'They are jealous because I look so good' etc.

Why is it that we spend so much time in our minds? Thinking about situations. Wondering about material between the words that were said or the lines that were written. Second-guessing ourselves, others, everyone?

In the end we find ourselves with no (or little) factual information and a lot of assumptions. And I hate assumptions.

So why do we do this?

I've had conversations in the past few days with others who have talked themselves into situations with me without ever having asked me anything. They've determined that I'm angry with them, or don't like them, or something else (usually negative) based on minimal reality-based information and maximum theory.

I'm not judging - trust me. I sat here tonight after being given information and talked myself into a fight with someone, without them even knowing! I answered my phone - had a brief conversation in which I was given some 'facts' by a third party. Immediately I assume that I'm being excluded, which must mean that I'm disliked, which must mean blah, blah, blah.

I am actually supposed to be focused on math homework - functions and graphing to be exact. What is interesting about it is that in algebra it is suggested that you find at least three points before graphing a line so that you are sure of the graph's shape. In relationships though we often take one 'point' and determine a whole line of thought based off of that. I hate having to admit that in an abstract way algebra is useful in reality - a thought I have been fighting ever since high school.

I guess this blog tonight is really just me trying to express frustration at a process that seems so ingrained in our human behavior and yet so detrimental to human coexistence!

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much about it.