Monday, May 07, 2007

Fortune

Fortune is a magnificent word. As I type today I am filled with swirling emotions that cloud my mind and tears that cloud my eyes.

This is move week. After Saturday I will no longer live in this apartment. This is the apartment that I brought my two babies home to. This is the apartment that I have rearranged a million times to feng shui, or make more inviting, or more baby friendly.

When I walk outside I am surrounded by beauty - every season. I can spy several friends houses from my front porch. I can feel memories in every space I walk in, indoors and out.

The past few weeks I have felt so self-absorbed as I have tried to pack things, play with my kids, and not loose my sanity. I've been focused on boxes, on donation trips, on what to keep and what to sell. I've been consumed with being a full-time Mom with long nights alone and little sleep. Mostly I've spent my time trying hard NOT to start saying goodbye and not to let my emotions run me over.

Yet, as I sit here finally lost in my emotions (thanks to a movie clip from my Mom), I am overwhelmed with one feeling. Fortune. What a great fortune I was given here in this town. How incredibly fortunate I, no, we, have been to be enveloped by the friends here. Some we have had for what seems like a lifetime. Others that I know I will regret not knowing a lifetime. And incredibly fortunate for the family I have - the husband who is willing to leave for a month to start a new job with 100% faith in me that I'd get things done without going completely crazy. And I am grateful, as compared to the video, that it was only a month.

There is just so much. That is how I feel. There is just so much to say goodbye to. There are so many memories to try and hold on to. There are so many people to hug one last time.

Thank you everyone. For really making this place much more than a stopping point in my life. Thank you for the education, frustration, support, energy, new lives, and library of memories.

And please forgive me if I ignored you a little too much - or didn't always have the time to spend with you - or did not return all of your phone calls. It is a complete reflection of me and my crazy world, and not my love for you at all.

I feel like our move is a little like a fortune cookie. You get it, it has this great message, but you aren't sure what to make of it. California feels a lot like that for me. I'm not sure what to expect or what to envision. A lot like when I first moved here. So maybe fortune will be on my side again....

For now, consider yourself fortunate because there will be no more posting from me until the move is officially over!

4 comments:

Terina said...

what? nothing until after saturday??????? i need to memorize your new number.......

Jen said...

Wow this post really hit home. We are getting ready to move as well, and while mostly I'm ecstatic for the adventure that awaits, there's a part that is saying "no..."

I look at what we've done with this house and all that energy is a part of me. The landscaping, painting, fixing up, floors...I'm leaving behind my paintings and original artwork on the cabinets and walls, I'm leaving the bedroom & bathroom I decorated carefully with my children in mind. It hurts! You are right, it feels like the memories will be left behind with the house.

Belladonna said...

I've moved MANY times - Arizona, Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Washington, Oregon.... some of the transitions came as welcome adventures of our own choosing. Some were terribly difficult, forced changes due to job relocations we never asked for. Either way I've learned to bloom where I'm planted. Still, I know all too well how stressful it can be to have to start all over in a new place, reinventing your life.

Be gentle with yourself as you take this new journey

Lei said...

I hope it all goes smoothly for you. :)