Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Fatigue

I think I have moved past tired.

Past exhaustion.

And now, I'm fatigued.  Body slowing, mind-aching, soul-grating fatigue.

This is the eighth night in a row of me waking up between 3:00am and 5:00am.  The last few days it's been getting earlier.  

4:15am.  

3:30am.  

Even 2:45 yesterday.  

Last night I forced myself to stay up until 10:30.  I sound like an old lady.

I'm not sure what's waking me up.  Part of me wants to set an alarm and see if maybe the sprinklers turn on or off, or a train is sounding in the distance (like the one right now).

I know what keeps me up though.  Once my mind gets powered it's a fantastically moving machine jumping from one thought to the next, pulling up worry after worry, and reminding me of to-do lists that still need boxes checked.

Yuck.

Part of me is always glad to be up before the rest of the fam (or in this case, the rest of the world).  I love seeing the sky lighten.  I love getting my shower in, my breakfast eaten, and maybe even a book read before anyone else requires something of me.

But then my mind starts the thinking.  If I don't keep it actively engaged in a good cause it turns on itself.  

And that makes me tired.

And then....the kids get up.


1 comment:

Walkers said...

I wish I could just fall asleep to begin with. I have been having issues with sleeping as well, but I can't fall asleep until 1 or 2 in the morning because I have been thinking too much about everything. I hope it gets better for you, or try Tylenol PM. That might help. I think I will take one tonight. Miss ya!