Monday, June 23, 2008

21

21 has always been my favorite number.  So it shouldn't be a surprise that when I opened my dashboard to change my countdown calendar the result was 21.   21 days that is.

21 days to the change from 20-something to 30-something.
21 days and then I have to chose a different age bracket on surveys.
21 days and I'll be the age I first remember my parents being.
21 days and I have to put 30 into the treadmill at the gym when it intrusively asks for my age.
21 days and nothing will change, and yet everything will.
21 days and I'll be 30.

I've known for 29 years that I'd turn 30.  Or at least hoped I'd turn 30.  Back in the day 30 was old age.   (I'm not really sure what 'day' that was - but it makes me feel better to type it.)  This past year the realization of turning 30 has sunk in more and more.  Days to my birthday pass by, friends turn 30, clerks at the store comment when asking to see my id....

I'm not afraid to turn 30.  I'm not afraid to leave my 20's.  Surprisingly.  I tend to be more of a status-quo person so the fact that I am looking, anxiously, towards a change is new.  And that's the point.  Turning 30 opens up a new decade of life to live.  The loves lost, bad decisions, hard lessons, long nights of soul searching, and general uncomfortableness in my own body that were a part of my 20's have concluded. 

Sure I'll soul search in my 30's, I'll need to get used to my 30 year-old body (Susan brilliantly posted on this), I'll lose love, and make bad decisions.  This time I get to do it with 29 years of knowledge.  With that knowledge comes a sense of empowerment.  It is as if July 14th will come and in waking up I'll shed the layers I built in my 20's in order to rebuild in my 30's.

I'm starting off by making my 30th year as experience-full as possible.  In totally me form I've composed letterhead (including a logo! yes, I crack myself up) which I'm using to write letters to all my family and friends.  I'm asking that instead of gifts they help me create an extraordinary year.  Build a memory with me, share an experience, broaden our relationship, etc.  

I recognize the reality that July 14th will roll around with little change.  The boys will wake up and beg me to make them breakfast.  E will head to work - and then on a business trip later that week.  TJ will still be across the country. My letterbox full of 20 year-old memories will still sit on my shelf.  I'll still cry at commercials and get nervous that when I dance in my house someone might be watching.  I'll get disappointed at myself and laugh at myself a little too much.  Those things might not change this decade either.

Still, in 21 days I will take a deep breath and plunge into this next adventure in life.  30.  And I hope for 10 years of good perspective, meditation, and interaction.  I have a feeling my 40's will be here before I know it.  

2 comments:

alijoy313 said...

I think you'll be one of the cutest 30 year olds I know!

I love your new background. It's very stylish and fun.

Terina said...

ok, where did all the pink come from? but thank goodness your blog is in the middle of my screen now.:) ask erics job if they'll give you a ticket to canada via north carolina??? think they would go for it?