Thursday, July 05, 2007

Words and Deeds

I did something today that I rarely do. I flipped through the blogs here on Blogger. Quite the variety I must say. As I was flipping I kept thinking about the need I had to update my own blog as well as the one I keep for the boys. And I even knew what subject I needed to blog about - but did not know where to start. Then I happened upon a blog, that I didn't even read, but I saw this quote:

Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions Watch your actions, they become your habits Watch our habits, they become your character Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

I've been thinking about this very subject a lot lately. I've been listening, or replaying, the conversations that I've had with people lately...and I'm not all the impressed with myself. Even I haven't said things out loud, the things I've been thinking, the judgments I've made, the labels I've placed --- are really not me.

Really not me at all. One of my all-time-favorite quotes is from Mother Theresa. She says, 'If you judge people you have no time to love them'. The opposite is true as well that if you love someone you have no time to judge them.

And I'm wasting time not loving people and make judgments about them instead. I'm not sure why I am in this phase of my life. The difficult part about it is that I am in a place where I really want people to be wholly accepting of me - yet I find myself saying things that I don't believe or even agree with. Sometimes just to please the people that I am talking with who believe what they are saying...

Part of it is because of the recent move. I find myself in the middle of a lot of people. I'm in between Eric and my parents. I field questions from my parents about him, I listen to their concerns about us and then have to talk about them with Eric later. I watch my parents, who are also opposites socially, step on each others' toes and feel as though I should mediate. Or I get pulled between them when it comes to events and activities.

I am also in the middle of who I was before I moved from CA and who I am now. That is probably the toughest part of the move. People just expect that I am the same person they knew from back when. In many respects I am, and in others I couldn't be more different.

My original goal when we moved back was to get settled, get into some good routines, and help the boys make a good adjustment. Now that I have done that and feel as though we are in a good place - it is my turn to self-reflect and make some changes.

It is vitally important to me to be respectful of other people. This means that their choices are theirs alone and not mine to correct, critique, or condemn. It means that I need to honor them by returning phone calls, sharing my time with them like they do with me, and being honest with them. Honest about who I am, what kind of time I have, what kind of energy I have, and what kind of friend I can be to them.

If someone were keeping record of me, I wouldn't want to be labled by the things I've done and said as of late. Rather, I'd like to try and take the time to say what I mean, mean what I say, and keep my mouth quiet and my spirit calm, the rest of the time.


Terina said...

hooray!! you can do this! in fact, i should do it with you. being honest, i can do. the judging thing is really hard not to do sometimes. i want a progress report.....i'll give you mine too...

Jen said...

I occasionally flip through the random blogs as well and have come across some real treasures!

Here's a fun one:

I think with judging its also hard sometimes to differentiate the judgements we make to get through life safely without hurtful, prideful judging. If someone is bringing you down, you may have to make the judgement that they aren't good for you.

Lei said...

good thoughts... it's certainly a challenge!