Pee Wee

I've never been good at understanding sports - so I keep laughing that the only way I can think to explain this, without being specific, is with sports. It probably won't make sense - but I need to get it out.

See, I feel as though I'm playing in the major leagues but with pee wee credentials. I've only been playing this game for a few years now but many of those around are baseball giants. I'm expected to keep up, swing at all those curve balls, bat the home runs, and run like hell each time to home plate.

The coaches are yelling at me to stop - go - slide - steal - hold. Whatever it is coaches say. Or tell the players with their little funny finger wags. And that's part of it too. There are so many signals and signs that I see. Some that I understand, some I don't want to understand, and some completely understandable. And yet, I'm expected to understand them and to make my move from them. And to play in the big league.

And yet, I'm really just this kid. Who doesn't want to be hitting at all. I just want to be playing. I just want to be smiling at my friends as we toss the ball around. Learning how to pitch. Learning how to swing. Learning what moves make sense well.

My time would be best spent back in my league. With my players. With my friends.

And I don't know how to get out of it...and I can't help but feel like I owe it to the major leagues to stay because I'm the only one they recruited.