Monday, December 11, 2006

Reasons & Seasons

Maybe I am becoming a bitch in my old age. Maybe...maybe not. I'd prefer to think of it as growing up.

For all of my life I have functioned under the rule of 'once a friend, always a friend'. This has served me wonderfully as I have friends who have weathered a lot with me. It has also been harsh. When someone doesn't continue to make the effort with me that I try to make with them, I spend wasted time wondering if they like me, if not why, and if there is something I can do to make them like me better. Yeah, sounds like Junior High huh. Maybe I never learned these lessons then. Well I am learning them now. It's killer.

I'm finding myself in a strange place. I have so many friends that I make time for, that don't return the favor. I try not to expect a lot. But when I have those moments where I really need someone to talk to, and I scroll down my list, more people on the list than not would divert the attention back to themself, rather than listen.

I also have friends who might not really want to be my friends. Maybe I knew them in school, or dated them, or watched their kids. Somehow I've convinced myself that we are friends and they moved past me a long time ago. Maybe they get emails from me and wonder why I still email them? Maybe I added them to my 'friends' list and they said ok just to be nice.

Then there is this group of people, waiting to be my friend. Trying to make efforts with me that I shirk off. Instead I'd rather send those emails to people who may or may not respond. Or call people who converse with me politely, even though I ask for all details in their life and try to make them important.

Well all that is changing. It's not that I want to slash through the people in my life. I love the people in my life. If you are reading this and are freaked out by what I am saying, you aren't getting what I am saying.

It is more the idea that it is ok to let people go. More importantly, it is ok to be let go by people.

Lori sent me an email the other day on friendship. I'm not usually once for forwards, but the title caught my attention and I was drawn to it. It reminded me of something Stephanie gave me years ago before I left for Germany. It spoke of the variety of people that we meet in our lives, and the relationships that are formed. To be specific, it said that some people come into our lives for a reason (to aide you physically, emotionally, or spiritually). The third kind of friendship it spoke of was those friends who come into our lives for a lifetime. I haven't lived that long, but I am glad to have a handful of these. Specifically TJ who knows me and loves me better than anyone.

The second type, were those friends who come into our life for a season. I think I have failed to realize that it is ok for people to come in for a reason and for just a season. I know that I have been that kind of friend to others - but for some reason when it is someone coming into my life I feel the need to hold on forever.

It is both frightening and wonderful to know that I can let people go. I've already done it (talk about effecient!). Someone from my past sent me a rather hurtful email the other day. I have waited to respond, trying to sort out feelings, avoiding being rash. I finally found the strength to write back, thank them for the things we've shared, and let them go.

Hitting the send button took me about fifteen minutes. Knowing that I've done the right thing though is amazing. I hope that by doing this I can finally start letting people in my life - and letting people go as I need to.

1 comment:

Stargazer said...

I understand that and have recently realized the same thing. I hope this worked out for you. It's a waste to spend too much time worrying about other's a good lesson to learn!