Doodling

I am sitting in class. This is the fifth class for this course. Five classes, five papers, five ramblings on by the teacher, and five million comments from the class clown.

Life has come full circle for me. Here I am at a nice ripe age. In fact my ten year HS reunion is next month. Friends of mine are now Drs - legitimate Drs. Not med students. Not an intern. A Doctor. People I have hired and students have counseled during my first years in management are lawyers and business leaders.

Now as I sit in my class at the local community colleges discussing Ahimsa and Satya and other pieces of Jainism. And the subject matter is fascinating. Yet I find myself doing the same thing that I did so many years ago in Junior High - doodling.

Do you remember those days? They cannot be that long ago right?

In fact my class reminds me those days in more ways than one. There is the guy, G, who sits on the side of class and makes comments not just during class but during breaks. Last week he asked me if I was really as liberal as I seem. This all because I made a hypothetical comment and he took it as reality. He finds it 'helpful' to remind be the official barometer of what is strange in other religions.

Of course everyone has to pack up ten minutes before the imaginary bell starts ringing. It has always driven me crazy and it drives me crazy more now that I've been a teacher.

There's the one student who contests every grade, every missed question, and the teachers ability to correct homework.

And then there is me. Not a lot has changed. I laugh a little too loud at things in class when I get nervous. I'm intelligent but full of self-doubt. I think about things five times before I say them.

And of course I doodle. What hit me tonight was that in years passed I would doodle about my future family and children. I was the future, all in cursive of course, Mrs. Shelly S, Mrs. Shelly C, Mrs. Shelly H. Now I am officially Mrs. Shelly B or depending on my need for independence Ms. Shelly E-B.

The trouble is I can no longer doodle that. I am a Mrs now. I cannot even doodle my kids names. It was such a strange reality zone. I am a wife. I am a mom. Granted these two things don't completely define me BUT they are actually a part of me now. No longer just doodles in my 3rd period French book.