One of my high school friends, Carrie, has her son in preschool with mine. It has been fun to catch up with her after their school gets out as we walk around and try to make our way to the car. She and I were never best friends but we were close through most of the time we were in school together. I have some great memories with both Carrie and her sister.
Yesterday she mentioned that one of our other friends from the good ole' days is getting married. And then she said something that I have been chewing on since: 'I never thought she'd get married. You know, she's just so independent.'
Hum. Now I realize what Carrie meant and what I'm chewing over are two very different things. I walked away, though not offended, challenged by the notion that I might not be considered independent. In fact, being labeled as dependent for any reason, but let alone because I chose to marry someone I adored. I realize, again, that this was not Carrie's implication...but is it society's?
Our friend, we'll call her Marie, was the one in high school to be incredibly selective about boys, rather than boy crazy. Rather than head to every dance or party on the weekends, she was selective about how she spent her time. She still works for the same company that she did in high school. More importantly she was (or at least seemed) comfortable with herself and in high school, well that's like the Holy Grail.
Hearing Carrie say this has really challenged my notion of independence. Was I not independent because I always knew I was the marrying kind? I have always thought of myself as an independent person, but is that really true?
What is independence in a person?
Is it based off of romantic relationships? In high school I dated the same guy off and on from the time I was 15 until early college. We broke up several times but it was usually because I wanted to date someone else. And I rarely wasn't dating someone. I am not saying this to sound proud - trust me, some of the 'men' I dated are not ones to be proud of. Regardless I was never long without a love interest or a boyfriend. Is this dependence?
Is it based off a person's awareness of his or herself? And if so, how do you define that? At various times in each phase of my life (high school, early 20's, now) I have felt very aware of myself and very comfortable with myself. Something usually happens in each phase of life that shakes that awareness up, both positive and negative, and forces me to reevaluate myself.
This question I find myself thinking about was then further challenged last night when my cute cousin Ann stopped by. We got talking about family dynamics, in particular, 'yapping'. Ann recently returned from serving an LDS mission and is staying at home until school starts at the end of this month. She got home in October - which as a young adult means a long time back with the 'rents. She commented that she forgot how much 'yapping' occurs in her house. Which led us to discuss who in our family 'yaps' the most.
Who won doesn't matter - oh ok, it's Ann's mom. My ultra-white-personality Mom made the comment that it was hard to make 'yapping' sound like a negative when, for my aunt, it is part of her energy. Like most extroverts my Aunt gets some serious energy from people. In fact she gets more energy from interactions with other people than anyone I know - except for the pre-mommy me. Pre-kids I had a greater need to be fed energy by people through interaction and conversation.
So...playing into my earlier question of what is independence - can only an introvert be independent?
This post has been rather convoluted and random which mirrors my thoughts about the subject the last 24 hours.
I'm wondering for my blogger friends and family out there - are you independent? If so, what are the criteria that you measure your independence by? What about other people? How do you determine, from the outside looking in, whether someone is independent? Does marriage change your feelings? Does having children change your criteria?
And in case you are wondering, I am an ENFX (a mix between J&P). If you have never done the Meyers/Briggs personality test - google it and find yourself out. Check and see how closely you feel it resembles your personality. I love (love, love, love!) personality testing!!
Discuss amongst yourselves....
Friday, January 11, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Wait, how many miles is that?
Last weekend we went down to visit our friends Rob & Melissa who are stationed at Camp Pendleton. We had more fun than can even be described. Towards the end of our visit Melissa brought up the Camp Pendleton 'Mud Run'. Not 'brought up' as in "Did you know they have an annual Mud Run" or "Can you believe that some idiots run in a thing called the 'Mud Run'".
No, no, no. She brought it up by saying "Would you and Eric run this with us?"
I told her to send me the link - which she did - and that we'd think about it.
And thinking about it I have done. All week. Almost every hour I have some thought of this race.
It is 6.2 miles long. 6.2. Did you read that? SIX POINT TWO MILES! Up hills, in the mud, through a river...
I have never run more than two miles in my life. And those two miles were when I was in my first year of college and had strong legs and a stomach unmarred by the stretch of child-bearing.
So...I am completely upended by the question about whether I could do this.
I keep going back and forth in my mind.
Some of my thoughts and counter-thoughts:
* I've been trying to get in shape and this might provide a good goal to work towards. (Yes, but 6.2 miles Shell. Who are you kidding? Even with a training program you're not going to make it.)
* I like the idea of going out every night with Eric to run. (Yes but running Shell? When have you ever liked to run?)
* It would be awesome to be able to say I've done this. Plus maybe it would start a fun trend and we could do other runs with the Gluten-Free team. (Yeah, how awesome would it be to fall flat on your face or quit 1/2 way through the race.)
* There are a lot of people who do the couch-marathon training and succeed. (Just because you've been going to the gym every day doesn't mean you can run a 10k.)
As you can see my inner voice is not being helpful. I can't quite decide if I'm being self-deprecating or realistic.
Honestly I would really like to do it and feel like I'm coming up with all the ways and reasons I would fail to see if I can get past them. If I can get past them now then during the race it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Thoughts???
No, no, no. She brought it up by saying "Would you and Eric run this with us?"
I told her to send me the link - which she did - and that we'd think about it.
And thinking about it I have done. All week. Almost every hour I have some thought of this race.
It is 6.2 miles long. 6.2. Did you read that? SIX POINT TWO MILES! Up hills, in the mud, through a river...
I have never run more than two miles in my life. And those two miles were when I was in my first year of college and had strong legs and a stomach unmarred by the stretch of child-bearing.
So...I am completely upended by the question about whether I could do this.
I keep going back and forth in my mind.
Some of my thoughts and counter-thoughts:
* I've been trying to get in shape and this might provide a good goal to work towards. (Yes, but 6.2 miles Shell. Who are you kidding? Even with a training program you're not going to make it.)
* I like the idea of going out every night with Eric to run. (Yes but running Shell? When have you ever liked to run?)
* It would be awesome to be able to say I've done this. Plus maybe it would start a fun trend and we could do other runs with the Gluten-Free team. (Yeah, how awesome would it be to fall flat on your face or quit 1/2 way through the race.)
* There are a lot of people who do the couch-marathon training and succeed. (Just because you've been going to the gym every day doesn't mean you can run a 10k.)
As you can see my inner voice is not being helpful. I can't quite decide if I'm being self-deprecating or realistic.
Honestly I would really like to do it and feel like I'm coming up with all the ways and reasons I would fail to see if I can get past them. If I can get past them now then during the race it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Thoughts???
Monday, January 07, 2008
Are my cheeks red?
I am struggling between feelings of shame and glee to write about this. Not quite sure why I would be embarrassed by this...but I feel like I should be. Maybe it is because my Mom has already declared her absolute hatred for this and my husband his disinterest. What should their opinions matter though? My Mom likes American Idol and Gray's Anatomy and Eric, well his taste cannot even be described!
So...with blushing cheeks I admit that I am totally into Kitchen Nightmares!
I have only watched a couple of them online but I love it. Of course Gordon Ramsey is world renowned for being an ass - which is quite sad because (even though he is) he is incredibly talented. His attitude often overshadows or out-Hollywoods his talent.
Part of the draw for this show (which I watch here) is to see how restaurants are being run. Having worked in one for several years it is mind-boggling to see what happens. Makes me grateful that we don't eat out that much! The other draw for the show is Gordon Ramsey. Of course I'm jealous that he says whatever comes to his mind with little to no filtering. It would be nice not to filter everything I say. Beyond that I am absolutely floored by his ability to manage business with his talent for cooking. Not every creative person can also run a business.
I realize he has a staff of people that travel with him and a staff of people that run his restaurants. Regardless - that he can see the overall picture of business success and also focus on the minuscule details of what makes a dish delectable is enviable.
This probably seems like a random post but I'm getting ready to work on a text-heavy project which means I need a little something to watch. I then realized how excited I was about getting to watch MORE of the show! Had to share...
So...with blushing cheeks I admit that I am totally into Kitchen Nightmares!
I have only watched a couple of them online but I love it. Of course Gordon Ramsey is world renowned for being an ass - which is quite sad because (even though he is) he is incredibly talented. His attitude often overshadows or out-Hollywoods his talent.
Part of the draw for this show (which I watch here) is to see how restaurants are being run. Having worked in one for several years it is mind-boggling to see what happens. Makes me grateful that we don't eat out that much! The other draw for the show is Gordon Ramsey. Of course I'm jealous that he says whatever comes to his mind with little to no filtering. It would be nice not to filter everything I say. Beyond that I am absolutely floored by his ability to manage business with his talent for cooking. Not every creative person can also run a business.
I realize he has a staff of people that travel with him and a staff of people that run his restaurants. Regardless - that he can see the overall picture of business success and also focus on the minuscule details of what makes a dish delectable is enviable.
This probably seems like a random post but I'm getting ready to work on a text-heavy project which means I need a little something to watch. I then realized how excited I was about getting to watch MORE of the show! Had to share...
Friday, January 04, 2008
Pandora's Box
Have you noticed that once you've become aware of a subject that your mind finds connections to it from everyone? Here's an example:
When Will was diagnosed with Celiac Disease I started hunting for gluten-free (GF) foods. Now I see them everywhere! It was like the original exposure alerted my senses to a world I had not noticed before.
I believe we all do this. Sometimes we get introduced to a new musician and it's all we can do to stop listening to just their music. Or a new food and we can't get enough of it.
Well my little foray into consumerism, environmentalism, and use of the world has opened Pandora's Box. Not only am I seeing information everywhere I go now, but now I'm hearing discussions that, no doubt, were had before, and watching people make their own life changes.
My best friend TJ sent me an email with this link. I rarely send group emails out unless it's regarding our family but I had to send this one just like I have to post it here. The video is twenty minutes long so pull up a chair!
The Story of Stuff
And as always, I would love to hear thoughts.
When Will was diagnosed with Celiac Disease I started hunting for gluten-free (GF) foods. Now I see them everywhere! It was like the original exposure alerted my senses to a world I had not noticed before.
I believe we all do this. Sometimes we get introduced to a new musician and it's all we can do to stop listening to just their music. Or a new food and we can't get enough of it.
Well my little foray into consumerism, environmentalism, and use of the world has opened Pandora's Box. Not only am I seeing information everywhere I go now, but now I'm hearing discussions that, no doubt, were had before, and watching people make their own life changes.
My best friend TJ sent me an email with this link. I rarely send group emails out unless it's regarding our family but I had to send this one just like I have to post it here. The video is twenty minutes long so pull up a chair!
The Story of Stuff
And as always, I would love to hear thoughts.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
My own welfare...
Several years ago, after receiving several awards for his contributions to environmental causes, Jim Fowler was quoted as saying "Sooner or later we've got to tie the saving of the natural world to our own public welfare."
No doubt, given his background, Mr. Fowler was talking about conservation of the earth's resources and minimizing our carbon footprint. When I read his quote it hit a different chord with me. Certainly I am investigating ways to decrease my own carbon footprint, rethink the relationship I have with 'Mother Earth' and teach my children respect to the environment. With the holidays having passed, and in such a frenzied manner, this quote and our relationship with the world mean one thing: consumerism. I spent most of the holidays absolutely amazed (borderline disgusted) with the present-purchasing movement.
You don't need to be a NOAA scientist to find the link between consumerism and the decline of the earth's resources. For me though, it is simple. In the madness that was the holiday season I found my notion of the world and it's people attacked, and my own personal welfare in jeopardy. In fact I mentioned to my Dad today, while watching the Rose Parade, that I longed for the simplicity of my youth. The days when watching the Rose Parade didn't make me smirk at the contradiction of a sign touting 'Preservation & Conservation' on a float filled with flowers that had been harvested solely for the purpose of a parading down the street. I've been to the Rose Parade and had a lot of fun spending the night, throwing tortillas, laughing at the horse dropping clean-up crew, and 'ahhing' at the floats. That was before I knew that it costs at least $3,000 to enter a float into the parade and at least $100,000 to build one. That means at least $4,944,000 just from float 'revenue' alone.
Granted some flowers are grown solely to donate their life to the parade. Granted this is a 119 year tradition that is honored by a lot of people. And I'm not meaning to pick on the parade. The example is a valid one. How many events, toys, products are exaggerated in meaning or price? How ridiculous is it that my bank has several teams of horses? That in addition to paying for the care of these horses they also enter floats in the Rose Parade!
In my own sphere, the only one I can influence, how ridiculous is it that my children spent most of Christmas day opening present after present after present? They were not gifts that we had bought, but I had failed to set an expectation with everyone else that my kids were not in need of anything. We've joked the last few days that out of everything they got the trumpet from the Dollar Store and the $2.00 airplane have been the hit!
My Grandma, who is in town, caught me at a vulnerable moment the other night and I found myself sharing more than usual (funny given what I share here). Eric joined us and we spent a good time talking about the mistakes made in the past. I touched on it in my previous post but the bottom line being: without clear goals Eric and I find it easy to put wants before needs and wants before future. She shared stories of stretching grocery money out for the month and then serving creative meals with any food in the house as the end of the month grew near. Her example of always picking up change she finds, even the now-neglected penny, because enough pennies collected meant 'a night on the town'. When we were cleaning up my Grandpa's things we found $49.00 in his wallet. She has made that $49 stretch - 'treating' herself to Taco Bell, a couple of movies at the dollar theater, and an ice cream cone or two. She still has $11 and it's been a month! How many of us can say that $49 would have lasted that long and treated us to so many things!?!
Credit cards were not options for them. Nor were pay day loans, or cash-advances. You saved up for the things you wanted and sometimes even for the things you needed.
When do we finally say: Yes! Less IS more. Less food on our plates wasting our money and growing our waists. Less gas being spent only to drive to over-priced movies, extravagant shopping malls, and big box stores. More time at the table playing games or talking with each other and less time tuned out in front of the tube.
When do we teach our children that the real message of Santa isn't behaving one way to get what you want, or writing long, detailed lists out but that of Saint Nicholas and his devotion to charity.
This post has gone on and 'off' more than I intended. Obviously there is a lot on my mind. Trying to revamp our life has made me think, discussing whether or not to teach our kids about Santa has made me think, learning more about Celiac disease has made me think, and reading posts like this one by Riana have made me think.
It is horrifying to realize that my own natural world is so polluted by things I've consumed. It all boils down to me realizing that it is time to take control over my personal world. It starts with the phase I am in now. Realizing that there will always be stuff to by and that more money doesn't mean freedom if you just buy the more stuff. It means realizing the links between working to buy, buying and failing, saving to not work, saving and thriving.
No this isn't a New Year's resolution - though the timing is about right. This involves a new attitude towards my consumerism, my nutritional habits, my time with my children, my time with my husband, my time with myself, and my effect on mother earth. And lots more to think about.
No doubt, given his background, Mr. Fowler was talking about conservation of the earth's resources and minimizing our carbon footprint. When I read his quote it hit a different chord with me. Certainly I am investigating ways to decrease my own carbon footprint, rethink the relationship I have with 'Mother Earth' and teach my children respect to the environment. With the holidays having passed, and in such a frenzied manner, this quote and our relationship with the world mean one thing: consumerism. I spent most of the holidays absolutely amazed (borderline disgusted) with the present-purchasing movement.
You don't need to be a NOAA scientist to find the link between consumerism and the decline of the earth's resources. For me though, it is simple. In the madness that was the holiday season I found my notion of the world and it's people attacked, and my own personal welfare in jeopardy. In fact I mentioned to my Dad today, while watching the Rose Parade, that I longed for the simplicity of my youth. The days when watching the Rose Parade didn't make me smirk at the contradiction of a sign touting 'Preservation & Conservation' on a float filled with flowers that had been harvested solely for the purpose of a parading down the street. I've been to the Rose Parade and had a lot of fun spending the night, throwing tortillas, laughing at the horse dropping clean-up crew, and 'ahhing' at the floats. That was before I knew that it costs at least $3,000 to enter a float into the parade and at least $100,000 to build one. That means at least $4,944,000 just from float 'revenue' alone.
Granted some flowers are grown solely to donate their life to the parade. Granted this is a 119 year tradition that is honored by a lot of people. And I'm not meaning to pick on the parade. The example is a valid one. How many events, toys, products are exaggerated in meaning or price? How ridiculous is it that my bank has several teams of horses? That in addition to paying for the care of these horses they also enter floats in the Rose Parade!
In my own sphere, the only one I can influence, how ridiculous is it that my children spent most of Christmas day opening present after present after present? They were not gifts that we had bought, but I had failed to set an expectation with everyone else that my kids were not in need of anything. We've joked the last few days that out of everything they got the trumpet from the Dollar Store and the $2.00 airplane have been the hit!
My Grandma, who is in town, caught me at a vulnerable moment the other night and I found myself sharing more than usual (funny given what I share here). Eric joined us and we spent a good time talking about the mistakes made in the past. I touched on it in my previous post but the bottom line being: without clear goals Eric and I find it easy to put wants before needs and wants before future. She shared stories of stretching grocery money out for the month and then serving creative meals with any food in the house as the end of the month grew near. Her example of always picking up change she finds, even the now-neglected penny, because enough pennies collected meant 'a night on the town'. When we were cleaning up my Grandpa's things we found $49.00 in his wallet. She has made that $49 stretch - 'treating' herself to Taco Bell, a couple of movies at the dollar theater, and an ice cream cone or two. She still has $11 and it's been a month! How many of us can say that $49 would have lasted that long and treated us to so many things!?!
Credit cards were not options for them. Nor were pay day loans, or cash-advances. You saved up for the things you wanted and sometimes even for the things you needed.
When do we finally say: Yes! Less IS more. Less food on our plates wasting our money and growing our waists. Less gas being spent only to drive to over-priced movies, extravagant shopping malls, and big box stores. More time at the table playing games or talking with each other and less time tuned out in front of the tube.
When do we teach our children that the real message of Santa isn't behaving one way to get what you want, or writing long, detailed lists out but that of Saint Nicholas and his devotion to charity.
This post has gone on and 'off' more than I intended. Obviously there is a lot on my mind. Trying to revamp our life has made me think, discussing whether or not to teach our kids about Santa has made me think, learning more about Celiac disease has made me think, and reading posts like this one by Riana have made me think.
It is horrifying to realize that my own natural world is so polluted by things I've consumed. It all boils down to me realizing that it is time to take control over my personal world. It starts with the phase I am in now. Realizing that there will always be stuff to by and that more money doesn't mean freedom if you just buy the more stuff. It means realizing the links between working to buy, buying and failing, saving to not work, saving and thriving.
No this isn't a New Year's resolution - though the timing is about right. This involves a new attitude towards my consumerism, my nutritional habits, my time with my children, my time with my husband, my time with myself, and my effect on mother earth. And lots more to think about.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Starting anew....
The time is here. I stopped by Barnes and Noble today to find a few books and found myself bombarded by the tables projecting new 'yous' and new life with the help of new diets, new exercise regimes, new lovers, new personal themes, etc. Of course the largest group of books for the new year are those on changing your looks (in one way or another). Savvy store marketing.
Wish I could say that I was above those sort of new year resolutions but the truth is that I love New Years. Like Christmastime New Year's allows me a chance to bond with my family, play random games from our family game closet, and reflect on the themes of the season.
Our family, my mother in particular, has always been drawn to symbolic rituals. My favorite occurs at New Year's. At some point during the celebration, usually after diner, my mom brings out the candles. Each year the candles and their destination differ, but the general practice remains the same. We each get an unlit candle. My Mom lights a candle in the middle of the table. Each person reflects, silently, on the year that has past and then makes a hope/wish for the next year. When they are ready they light the candle from the central one and hold it until all are lit. We then each place our candle in the middle with the original one and it burns through the rest of the party. We can discuss our hope if we want (some do) or we can keep it as a personal desire.
Traditions can be strange and no doubt some of those reading this will find the above ritual a little, uncomfortable. Visually it is one of the most beautiful things I have been a part of. Spiritually it is something I anticipate each year as a way to force myself to take time to look forward. It is always so easy to be caught up with the here and now.
This year will be no different. I can already tell you what I hope for as it has been on my mind for the last month. I hope that the decisions that I make can be made with clarity and with a clear vision of the future. This might sound obtuse but as I look over this past year, and even before, many of my decisions were made out of momentary emotion.
At this moment in our lives we are in a prime spot to change so much about how our future appears. We can, and are taking steps to, change the way we manage money, parent our children, love each other, love ourselves, and relate in the world. For example, Eric and I have decided that it is time for me to go back to work. For many reasons. Honestly I've had my moments with the kids where I long for the day to go back to work, but now that it is is a reality it is one met with much deeper and mixed feelings. And with this I have the chance to really make a difference for our family, for myself, and for the organization I work with.
I hope that my decisions are made on solid foundation so that when I reflect back next year I can see, even if things were hard, the positive change.
Wish I could say that I was above those sort of new year resolutions but the truth is that I love New Years. Like Christmastime New Year's allows me a chance to bond with my family, play random games from our family game closet, and reflect on the themes of the season.
Our family, my mother in particular, has always been drawn to symbolic rituals. My favorite occurs at New Year's. At some point during the celebration, usually after diner, my mom brings out the candles. Each year the candles and their destination differ, but the general practice remains the same. We each get an unlit candle. My Mom lights a candle in the middle of the table. Each person reflects, silently, on the year that has past and then makes a hope/wish for the next year. When they are ready they light the candle from the central one and hold it until all are lit. We then each place our candle in the middle with the original one and it burns through the rest of the party. We can discuss our hope if we want (some do) or we can keep it as a personal desire.
Traditions can be strange and no doubt some of those reading this will find the above ritual a little, uncomfortable. Visually it is one of the most beautiful things I have been a part of. Spiritually it is something I anticipate each year as a way to force myself to take time to look forward. It is always so easy to be caught up with the here and now.
This year will be no different. I can already tell you what I hope for as it has been on my mind for the last month. I hope that the decisions that I make can be made with clarity and with a clear vision of the future. This might sound obtuse but as I look over this past year, and even before, many of my decisions were made out of momentary emotion.
At this moment in our lives we are in a prime spot to change so much about how our future appears. We can, and are taking steps to, change the way we manage money, parent our children, love each other, love ourselves, and relate in the world. For example, Eric and I have decided that it is time for me to go back to work. For many reasons. Honestly I've had my moments with the kids where I long for the day to go back to work, but now that it is is a reality it is one met with much deeper and mixed feelings. And with this I have the chance to really make a difference for our family, for myself, and for the organization I work with.
I hope that my decisions are made on solid foundation so that when I reflect back next year I can see, even if things were hard, the positive change.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
In need of....
A fairytale? I did not grow up on fairytales, specifically the Disney Princess ones. Still, I went for the second time to Enchanted (this time with my Grandma) and this scene has had me smiling all day:
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Hark the Meme Angels Sing!
We are visiting family out-of-state and I have been keeping busy with projects so I have neglected this blog, phone calls, and general keepings-in-touch. Tonight, after working all day going through my Grandfather's stuff (he passed away last month) I really just needed something fun to do while I watch Law and Order.
This fit the bill:
Christmas Tag!!
Thanks to Holly for the idea! And thanks to my boredom for the nauseating (but fun) colors!
1) Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Sorry, anything with the word 'egg' automatically loses my vote!
2) Do you wrap your presents or not? This is such a strange question to me. Are there people who don't wrap their presents...and if so, why the *bleep* not?
3) Colored lights or white? With kids, colored for sure!
4) Do you hang mistletoe? Nope, usually I just eat it.
5) When do you put up your decorations? Personally I like to wait until the 1st of December, but this year it was after Thanksgiving.
6) What is your favorite holiday dish? Funeral potatoes. Yum.
7) Favorite memory as a child? There are so many to choose from. I remember looking out the window, when I was eight or nine, with my brother Alan and seeing a red light flashing in the distance. We were convinced it was Rudolph and we watched that light for a good hour. Alan was the one who told me Santa doesn't exist. I loved that the Christmas elves always rang our doorbell on Christmas Eve and left new pjs on our doorstep. We've already continued that tradition with the boys. I cherish the years that my Grandpa would read the Christmas story - it was so treasured to him. Oh and of course there is the annual family movie night while we watch the Muppet Christmas Carol. It is a must-see movie. The minute the music starts my heart feels light!
8) When and how did you learn about Santa? My younger brother (Alan as mentioned above) and I were snooping in our parents room for presents. We found the 'Santa' stash. I didn't think much of it, but he made sure to explain it all.
9) Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? The Elf present.
10) How do you decorate your tree? One of the best parts of having children at Christmas is that they help decorate and add their 'flair' to the project. Normally I am pretty OCD about my decorating and the tree ends up looking very symmetrical. Now, we have ornaments that have memories attached and that the boys cannot break and they get put on as manically as the boys like.
11) Snow...love it or dread it? Love it. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true.
12) Can you ice skate? Well enough not to end up with a black & blue butt.
13) Do you remember your favorite gift? I have been fortunate to receive lots of good gifts - but three stick out. The dog (Ty) that I got when I was 11, tickets to Wicked for the first time, and the shredder that Eric gave me last year.
14) What is the most important part of the holidays? My family. Taking time to reflect on the past year. Taking time to give someone something you hope means as much to them as it did for you to pick it out. I love the look a loved one has when they open a gift that really hits them.
15) Favorite holiday dessert? My Mom's Sugar Cookies. We'll have to see if we can make those gluten-free this year!
16) Favorite tradition? One thing that I love in our family is that when Christmas Day rolls around and we are all sitting there waiting to open presents, we take turns in a circular motion, paying attention to whoever is opening it. This allows everyone to have the time to react to their gift and gives respect to the person who bought the gift. I also love that we open a few, then eat breakfast, then come back and open the rest. It helps to keep the focus on Christmas being about family time.
17) Favorite Christmas Carol? I absolutely love 'Carol of the Bells'. With or without words that song moves me.
I'm not going to tag anyone specifically - but if you are reading this, I would love if you do it! If you do play along, let me know so I can see what your answers are!
This fit the bill:
Christmas Tag!!
Thanks to Holly for the idea! And thanks to my boredom for the nauseating (but fun) colors!
1) Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Sorry, anything with the word 'egg' automatically loses my vote!
2) Do you wrap your presents or not? This is such a strange question to me. Are there people who don't wrap their presents...and if so, why the *bleep* not?
3) Colored lights or white? With kids, colored for sure!
4) Do you hang mistletoe? Nope, usually I just eat it.
5) When do you put up your decorations? Personally I like to wait until the 1st of December, but this year it was after Thanksgiving.
6) What is your favorite holiday dish? Funeral potatoes. Yum.
7) Favorite memory as a child? There are so many to choose from. I remember looking out the window, when I was eight or nine, with my brother Alan and seeing a red light flashing in the distance. We were convinced it was Rudolph and we watched that light for a good hour. Alan was the one who told me Santa doesn't exist. I loved that the Christmas elves always rang our doorbell on Christmas Eve and left new pjs on our doorstep. We've already continued that tradition with the boys. I cherish the years that my Grandpa would read the Christmas story - it was so treasured to him. Oh and of course there is the annual family movie night while we watch the Muppet Christmas Carol. It is a must-see movie. The minute the music starts my heart feels light!
8) When and how did you learn about Santa? My younger brother (Alan as mentioned above) and I were snooping in our parents room for presents. We found the 'Santa' stash. I didn't think much of it, but he made sure to explain it all.
9) Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? The Elf present.
10) How do you decorate your tree? One of the best parts of having children at Christmas is that they help decorate and add their 'flair' to the project. Normally I am pretty OCD about my decorating and the tree ends up looking very symmetrical. Now, we have ornaments that have memories attached and that the boys cannot break and they get put on as manically as the boys like.
11) Snow...love it or dread it? Love it. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true.
12) Can you ice skate? Well enough not to end up with a black & blue butt.
13) Do you remember your favorite gift? I have been fortunate to receive lots of good gifts - but three stick out. The dog (Ty) that I got when I was 11, tickets to Wicked for the first time, and the shredder that Eric gave me last year.
14) What is the most important part of the holidays? My family. Taking time to reflect on the past year. Taking time to give someone something you hope means as much to them as it did for you to pick it out. I love the look a loved one has when they open a gift that really hits them.
15) Favorite holiday dessert? My Mom's Sugar Cookies. We'll have to see if we can make those gluten-free this year!
16) Favorite tradition? One thing that I love in our family is that when Christmas Day rolls around and we are all sitting there waiting to open presents, we take turns in a circular motion, paying attention to whoever is opening it. This allows everyone to have the time to react to their gift and gives respect to the person who bought the gift. I also love that we open a few, then eat breakfast, then come back and open the rest. It helps to keep the focus on Christmas being about family time.
17) Favorite Christmas Carol? I absolutely love 'Carol of the Bells'. With or without words that song moves me.
I'm not going to tag anyone specifically - but if you are reading this, I would love if you do it! If you do play along, let me know so I can see what your answers are!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Kick some a....addiction!
One of my guilty pleasures is to surf the celebrity gossip - specifically on Perez Hilton. It's juvenile and mind-numbingly dumb, but when I need a little brainless fodder, it works!
For a while though I have been contemplating divorce with my celebrity addiction. While the addiction feeds my desire to be famous, my desire to waste some time, and a desire to laugh (some of the celebrity antics and quotes are preciously stupid!) I am often disappointed in the malnourished imagery, wasteful spending, and incredible life invasions that end up on display.
There is a fine gray line between my entertainment and the intrusion into someone else's life.
This morning I read about Julia Roberts and an incident with a paparazzo. She isn't the first to take a stance like this, or to tell the paparazzo off, but given my affinity for her (both in general and her movies) it added one for thing for me to admire about her. While I don't condone her specific maneuvers to get the cameraman to pull over, I have no doubt that I would have done the same thing.
I am perfectly aware that Julia does not thrill everyone like she does me.
I am also perfectly aware that I am blogging about celebrities when I actually try to take my blogging somewhat seriously.
Still, I think the world of celebrity blogging, watching, and stalking has hit a ridiculous level. I can see pictures of body parts I have no need to see - tell me, what purpose does that serve?
Do we as consumers have some sort of unwritten contract that allows us access to celebrity worlds that surpasses anything we would want?
Unfortunately I cannot change everything - though not for lack of trying! My power lies only within myself...and that means that it's time for my addiction and I need to break-up.
For a while though I have been contemplating divorce with my celebrity addiction. While the addiction feeds my desire to be famous, my desire to waste some time, and a desire to laugh (some of the celebrity antics and quotes are preciously stupid!) I am often disappointed in the malnourished imagery, wasteful spending, and incredible life invasions that end up on display.
There is a fine gray line between my entertainment and the intrusion into someone else's life.
This morning I read about Julia Roberts and an incident with a paparazzo. She isn't the first to take a stance like this, or to tell the paparazzo off, but given my affinity for her (both in general and her movies) it added one for thing for me to admire about her. While I don't condone her specific maneuvers to get the cameraman to pull over, I have no doubt that I would have done the same thing.
I am perfectly aware that Julia does not thrill everyone like she does me.
I am also perfectly aware that I am blogging about celebrities when I actually try to take my blogging somewhat seriously.
Still, I think the world of celebrity blogging, watching, and stalking has hit a ridiculous level. I can see pictures of body parts I have no need to see - tell me, what purpose does that serve?
Do we as consumers have some sort of unwritten contract that allows us access to celebrity worlds that surpasses anything we would want?
Unfortunately I cannot change everything - though not for lack of trying! My power lies only within myself...and that means that it's time for my addiction and I need to break-up.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Music Memory Monday #6
I'm a little late in posting this - but given that I am about to post a picture of me from high school, I think you will all take one look, dig deep into your souls, and forgive me!
Every once and a while I exchange emails from people that I know from our days in high school. I graduated in 1996 - and a lot has happened since then. Many of my friends are married, some have kids, some have partners, some have passed away, and some haven't changed at all.
One thing that hasn't changed is our school song: Scotland the Brave! Granted most school songs don't change. Quite frankly I'm not sure if it's a theme song, fight song, or just some song to tie in our Scottish theme.
No one has enlightened me (nor have I googled it) as to why a small town nestled in California would adopt a Scottish theme. It all worked all well for me since, at the time, I look fantastic in red and even better in a short kilt-like skirt.
Really, I'm not sure how it started for me either. I don't remember the impetus that sent me to try-outs, but all of a sudden there I was, marching to the beat of Scotland the Brave as:
A Tall Flag Girl (the girls who twirl the flags in front of the band):
The next year and my senior year, I was a Banner Carrier, following in the footsteps of my Mom. (the girls who carry the letters that spell out the name of the school, often slamming them into our arms in rhythmic routines):
I spent the summers and falls of my freshman, sophomore, and senior years as part of the pageantry. My senior year I was co-captain with my friend Dana (she's the 'E').
So many memories are wrapped up in those years of marching, twirling, riding on buses to the competitions, and more.
It would only be fitting that every time this song comes on my arms twitch and my legs catch the beat, falling in line and stepping back in time.
Get out your batons, your drumsticks, your tuba, your pom-poms, and cheer along for Music Memory #6!
I'm not in this video (this is from this year, I think) but here, in all it's glory, is the GHS Marching Band and Scotland the Brave.
Every once and a while I exchange emails from people that I know from our days in high school. I graduated in 1996 - and a lot has happened since then. Many of my friends are married, some have kids, some have partners, some have passed away, and some haven't changed at all.
One thing that hasn't changed is our school song: Scotland the Brave! Granted most school songs don't change. Quite frankly I'm not sure if it's a theme song, fight song, or just some song to tie in our Scottish theme.
No one has enlightened me (nor have I googled it) as to why a small town nestled in California would adopt a Scottish theme. It all worked all well for me since, at the time, I look fantastic in red and even better in a short kilt-like skirt.
Really, I'm not sure how it started for me either. I don't remember the impetus that sent me to try-outs, but all of a sudden there I was, marching to the beat of Scotland the Brave as:
A Tall Flag Girl (the girls who twirl the flags in front of the band):
The next year and my senior year, I was a Banner Carrier, following in the footsteps of my Mom. (the girls who carry the letters that spell out the name of the school, often slamming them into our arms in rhythmic routines):
I spent the summers and falls of my freshman, sophomore, and senior years as part of the pageantry. My senior year I was co-captain with my friend Dana (she's the 'E').
So many memories are wrapped up in those years of marching, twirling, riding on buses to the competitions, and more.
It would only be fitting that every time this song comes on my arms twitch and my legs catch the beat, falling in line and stepping back in time.
Get out your batons, your drumsticks, your tuba, your pom-poms, and cheer along for Music Memory #6!
I'm not in this video (this is from this year, I think) but here, in all it's glory, is the GHS Marching Band and Scotland the Brave.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Capture my youth in a bottle...
If only we could capture our youth in a bottle to be sent to us at another time in our life, when we need it the most.
The Sunday Scribblings quandary of how our youth was spent is a strikingly apropos prompt for this week. In fact, as I type I sit in my room while my entire family sits in other rooms of the house, talking, reminiscing, planning for holidays, and other generalized conversation. Me being in my room is pretty atypical of my personality and my behavior...but much needed in this moment.
How did I misspend my life? Initially my answer felt easy: I grew up too fast. I was having adult conversations at eight, speaking with ease and comfort in large meetings at nine, celebrating events and birthdays with friends decades older than I. While I had friends my age I also considered (and still do) my parents' friends my own. I worked jobs as soon as I could - sometimes having many at a time.
Was this really misspent? That's a hard word for me to use. Misspent makes me think of the huge order I placed with CafePress a few months ago or the amount of money Eric and I spent on fast food in August of 2006.
The difficulty in labeling something as misspent invokes some notion that value was not realized. My youth, and my life learning process, are full of mistakes, missteps, errors in judgment, wrong questions, answers sought from bad sources...but isn't that all part of it?
How do we say that we misspent a time in our life? Is the answer that misspent time is time we would go back and change or do differently? If that is the case, then my reality is that none of my youth was misspent.
Yes, I grew up fast. I find myself at 29 trying to 'learn' how to relax, to take things slow, to undo adult-sized habits. I have moments were I wish I could run as fast and as far as I can from 'adult' responsibility. Sure there are things I wish I would have learned earlier or taken advantage of. Maybe I wouldn't have taken the promotion, or maybe I would have traveled to Europe or waited to get married, or focused on friends my age group, or maybe I wouldn't have changed anything. Responsibility seems to stick to me like cat hair.
Yet the world experiences I have had are built like a domino train upon each other. Taking one out would completely change the way my other dominoes fell. There are parts of my life, even right this minute, that I would love to be different. In no way, however, would I risk changing everything by 're-spending' a minute of my youth...
The Sunday Scribblings quandary of how our youth was spent is a strikingly apropos prompt for this week. In fact, as I type I sit in my room while my entire family sits in other rooms of the house, talking, reminiscing, planning for holidays, and other generalized conversation. Me being in my room is pretty atypical of my personality and my behavior...but much needed in this moment.
How did I misspend my life? Initially my answer felt easy: I grew up too fast. I was having adult conversations at eight, speaking with ease and comfort in large meetings at nine, celebrating events and birthdays with friends decades older than I. While I had friends my age I also considered (and still do) my parents' friends my own. I worked jobs as soon as I could - sometimes having many at a time.
Was this really misspent? That's a hard word for me to use. Misspent makes me think of the huge order I placed with CafePress a few months ago or the amount of money Eric and I spent on fast food in August of 2006.
The difficulty in labeling something as misspent invokes some notion that value was not realized. My youth, and my life learning process, are full of mistakes, missteps, errors in judgment, wrong questions, answers sought from bad sources...but isn't that all part of it?
How do we say that we misspent a time in our life? Is the answer that misspent time is time we would go back and change or do differently? If that is the case, then my reality is that none of my youth was misspent.
Yes, I grew up fast. I find myself at 29 trying to 'learn' how to relax, to take things slow, to undo adult-sized habits. I have moments were I wish I could run as fast and as far as I can from 'adult' responsibility. Sure there are things I wish I would have learned earlier or taken advantage of. Maybe I wouldn't have taken the promotion, or maybe I would have traveled to Europe or waited to get married, or focused on friends my age group, or maybe I wouldn't have changed anything. Responsibility seems to stick to me like cat hair.
Yet the world experiences I have had are built like a domino train upon each other. Taking one out would completely change the way my other dominoes fell. There are parts of my life, even right this minute, that I would love to be different. In no way, however, would I risk changing everything by 're-spending' a minute of my youth...
Black, blue and hurtful too...
The chorus to Mika's song 'Grace Kelly' have been floating through my brain all week. Seems to have matched my moods this week.
i could be brown
i could be blue
i could be violet sky
i could hurtful
i could be purple
i could be anything you like
gotta be green
gotta be mean
gotta be everything more
why don't you like me why don't you like me
why don't you like yourself
i could be brown
i could be blue
i could be violet sky
i could hurtful
i could be purple
i could be anything you like
gotta be green
gotta be mean
gotta be everything more
why don't you like me why don't you like me
why don't you like yourself
Monday, November 19, 2007
Music Memory Monday #5
Have you ever wondered if you have a sixth sense? Not in the Bruce Willis - Sylvia Browne kind of way but rather a soft whispering, or a feeling of deja vu,
or even a light premonition.
For a period of time - which include right now - I have wondered if Sister Hazel somehow has a sixth sense towards me! Yes I know, we all have songs that we think might have been written for us. Or maybe someone told you
that a certain song reminds them of you.
This goes above and beyond that. There have been other Mondays when I have sat down to blog about this, and then thought differently. I realize you all know I'm a tad crazy and, for the most part, honor my crazy. This might change that.
No doubt that if the below-mentioned ex
reads this it will confirm, once again, why we broke-up.
When I was in college, actually during my freshman year, I dated a guy that we'll call Owen. We only dated a few months before he compared me to breakfast cereal in a memorably creative break-up*. I was crushed. Whether or not this boy and I were actually compatible past the few months we dated is undetermined. However, at one point during our relationship he mentioned that a song we were listening too really explained how he felt about me. Awwww....I can hear the oohs and ahhs from all over blogerland.
The musicians were not his style (The Descendants) and the song itself was a little bit 'pop'ier than I expected him to like. Regardless I was thrilled to have a song remind someone of me.
Shortly after being likened to 'Fruity Pebbles' during our cereal date, and still reeling from the whole affair, I started to notice a trend.
EVERY time Owen called me or anytime I saw him on campus this song was on. Seriously. I was at a grocery store once with my roommate, the music came on, we turned a corner and there Owen was. My cousin and I were walking across campus, the song came on my Walkman (linked for those young-uns), and sure enough, there he was on his skateboard coming to find us.
It wasn't just me who noticed this trend.
My roommate had similar experiences as did my cousin.
For a while I forgot about the song and Owen. It probably played but I never heard or noticed it. Owen and I, who remain friends, weren't at school together, our friend group had dissolved and we were in different places.
Then last year I was sitting in our home with my husband, the song came on the radio (it gets a lot of SLC play) and shortly after the first strums of the guitar my phone rang with a call from Owen. NO JOKE!
I had not heard from him in over two years.
Crazy? Maybe. Strange? Definitely.
Regardless, it sure makes for an interesting story and a fantastic
Music Memory Monday!
Happy Monday everyone!
**I am happy to share the cereal break-up story with anyone interested - it is one of the most creative break-ups I've ever heard, let alone be a part of...**
or even a light premonition.
For a period of time - which include right now - I have wondered if Sister Hazel somehow has a sixth sense towards me! Yes I know, we all have songs that we think might have been written for us. Or maybe someone told you
that a certain song reminds them of you.
This goes above and beyond that. There have been other Mondays when I have sat down to blog about this, and then thought differently. I realize you all know I'm a tad crazy and, for the most part, honor my crazy. This might change that.
No doubt that if the below-mentioned ex
reads this it will confirm, once again, why we broke-up.
When I was in college, actually during my freshman year, I dated a guy that we'll call Owen. We only dated a few months before he compared me to breakfast cereal in a memorably creative break-up*. I was crushed. Whether or not this boy and I were actually compatible past the few months we dated is undetermined. However, at one point during our relationship he mentioned that a song we were listening too really explained how he felt about me. Awwww....I can hear the oohs and ahhs from all over blogerland.
The musicians were not his style (The Descendants) and the song itself was a little bit 'pop'ier than I expected him to like. Regardless I was thrilled to have a song remind someone of me.
Shortly after being likened to 'Fruity Pebbles' during our cereal date, and still reeling from the whole affair, I started to notice a trend.
EVERY time Owen called me or anytime I saw him on campus this song was on. Seriously. I was at a grocery store once with my roommate, the music came on, we turned a corner and there Owen was. My cousin and I were walking across campus, the song came on my Walkman (linked for those young-uns), and sure enough, there he was on his skateboard coming to find us.
It wasn't just me who noticed this trend.
My roommate had similar experiences as did my cousin.
For a while I forgot about the song and Owen. It probably played but I never heard or noticed it. Owen and I, who remain friends, weren't at school together, our friend group had dissolved and we were in different places.
Then last year I was sitting in our home with my husband, the song came on the radio (it gets a lot of SLC play) and shortly after the first strums of the guitar my phone rang with a call from Owen. NO JOKE!
I had not heard from him in over two years.
Crazy? Maybe. Strange? Definitely.
Regardless, it sure makes for an interesting story and a fantastic
Music Memory Monday!
Happy Monday everyone!
**I am happy to share the cereal break-up story with anyone interested - it is one of the most creative break-ups I've ever heard, let alone be a part of...**
Friday, November 16, 2007
I carry...
This blog suggestion came from the wonderful people over at Sunday Scribblings. I am not sure they realized what a cathartic exercise this would be for so many of their readers. Or at least for me, I can only speak for myself. Damn. I love speaking for everyone.
Anyway. As I have thought this week about the theme, 'I Carry', my mind has wandered with so many possibilities. All pieces of my life that are blazing hot topics for me right now: the weight I carry, the traits, physical and emotions, that I carry from my Grandfather, my children who are more often in my arms than not, the responsibility of being the oldest child, and the list goes on and on.
At some point during the week, I found myself at the store. Which store it was isn't important, but it is one with a standard big-box cosmetics section. Standing in the cosmetics aisle time came to a stand still, and a memory started to spin in my head. It suddenly became clear what it is I carry. Guilt. Specific guilt for various pin points in my life. The smell of Bonnie Bell cherry lip gloss and eye make-up remover induced stabbing pricks of memory, and said guilt.
I carry the guilt for carrying cosmetics out of a store without paying for them.
There, I said it.
No, I did not steal Lipsmackers or Maybelline this week! It was actually nine years ago. That time frame is crucial because it means I can blog about it with no criminal consequences attached to it! That state in which this horrid event occurred has a seven year statute. That says something about me too, that I would look that up before blogging about it. Hum...that's another thought for another day...
I had recently moved from the warm comfort of my parents' home and pocketbook, to make my way as a student at a large, state-funded University. My parents combined income exceeded financial aid guidelines and my parents' combined parenting theory demanded that I provide for myself, minus the money they paid directly to the school for tuition.
There is a reason that I sharing all of this with you. It is not in any attempt for pity. My parents provided me both the opportunity for me to go to school, an opportunity that unfortunately not everyone has. More importantly, and as per their desire, having to work as well as attend school helped me set priorities (boys were still #1), forced me to create my own signature work style and ethic, and value the money that I earned.
So it is interesting that I would have felt spurred on to carry, in my purse, anything out of a store without paying. Not because I am angelic and that behavior is beneath me, but because I could afford to buy the things I needed, and a few things I desired.
I could not tell you what I took. It was probably foundation and mascara, which tend to be the more pricey things where make-up is concerned.
I can tell you that I took the said items out of their packaging, hid the evidence throughout the store, put the things into my purse, and then proceeded to the cash register where I purchased several things.
Yes. I bought a variety of other necessities. I stood at the cash register, smiled and made small talk, paid for my legal purchases, and walked out of the store. Have cash, but will carry anyway.
This is not the only contradiction in my behavior. The very notion that I would steal make-up is quite ironic...I rarely wear make-up. At that time in my life I was in good physical shape, had always had clear skin, and could get by with jeans, a tee, and lip gloss. Who knows if I even wore the make-up!
Those details are unimportant in the end though. What is important is that the memory of having stole items from a store has been something I have carried since then. Each time I enter the store and legitimately walk out with cosmetics I am drawn back to that one instance in my life.
One instance that weighs in my mind and on my soul. Even now, as I struggle to define myself religiously, I still believe firmly that there are wrong and right behaviors. We do things at times that are directly contrary to who we know we are. Carrying make-up out of a store, with no payment, and with no, at the time, guilt, is not who I am.
From that instance on there have been so many things that have carved and molded me into the person I am. That's not to say that I haven't done other things I am not embarrassed, ashamed, or feel guilty of. Life experience dictates that we have some of those, as well as some that if we could we'd list on our resumes or on a t-shirt with pride.
So, though I have carried this for years. It is time to drop it.
----------------
Now playing: Petra Haden - Don't Stop Believin'
via FoxyTunes
Anyway. As I have thought this week about the theme, 'I Carry', my mind has wandered with so many possibilities. All pieces of my life that are blazing hot topics for me right now: the weight I carry, the traits, physical and emotions, that I carry from my Grandfather, my children who are more often in my arms than not, the responsibility of being the oldest child, and the list goes on and on.
At some point during the week, I found myself at the store. Which store it was isn't important, but it is one with a standard big-box cosmetics section. Standing in the cosmetics aisle time came to a stand still, and a memory started to spin in my head. It suddenly became clear what it is I carry. Guilt. Specific guilt for various pin points in my life. The smell of Bonnie Bell cherry lip gloss and eye make-up remover induced stabbing pricks of memory, and said guilt.
I carry the guilt for carrying cosmetics out of a store without paying for them.
There, I said it.
No, I did not steal Lipsmackers or Maybelline this week! It was actually nine years ago. That time frame is crucial because it means I can blog about it with no criminal consequences attached to it! That state in which this horrid event occurred has a seven year statute. That says something about me too, that I would look that up before blogging about it. Hum...that's another thought for another day...
I had recently moved from the warm comfort of my parents' home and pocketbook, to make my way as a student at a large, state-funded University. My parents combined income exceeded financial aid guidelines and my parents' combined parenting theory demanded that I provide for myself, minus the money they paid directly to the school for tuition.
There is a reason that I sharing all of this with you. It is not in any attempt for pity. My parents provided me both the opportunity for me to go to school, an opportunity that unfortunately not everyone has. More importantly, and as per their desire, having to work as well as attend school helped me set priorities (boys were still #1), forced me to create my own signature work style and ethic, and value the money that I earned.
So it is interesting that I would have felt spurred on to carry, in my purse, anything out of a store without paying. Not because I am angelic and that behavior is beneath me, but because I could afford to buy the things I needed, and a few things I desired.
I could not tell you what I took. It was probably foundation and mascara, which tend to be the more pricey things where make-up is concerned.
I can tell you that I took the said items out of their packaging, hid the evidence throughout the store, put the things into my purse, and then proceeded to the cash register where I purchased several things.
Yes. I bought a variety of other necessities. I stood at the cash register, smiled and made small talk, paid for my legal purchases, and walked out of the store. Have cash, but will carry anyway.
This is not the only contradiction in my behavior. The very notion that I would steal make-up is quite ironic...I rarely wear make-up. At that time in my life I was in good physical shape, had always had clear skin, and could get by with jeans, a tee, and lip gloss. Who knows if I even wore the make-up!
Those details are unimportant in the end though. What is important is that the memory of having stole items from a store has been something I have carried since then. Each time I enter the store and legitimately walk out with cosmetics I am drawn back to that one instance in my life.
One instance that weighs in my mind and on my soul. Even now, as I struggle to define myself religiously, I still believe firmly that there are wrong and right behaviors. We do things at times that are directly contrary to who we know we are. Carrying make-up out of a store, with no payment, and with no, at the time, guilt, is not who I am.
From that instance on there have been so many things that have carved and molded me into the person I am. That's not to say that I haven't done other things I am not embarrassed, ashamed, or feel guilty of. Life experience dictates that we have some of those, as well as some that if we could we'd list on our resumes or on a t-shirt with pride.
So, though I have carried this for years. It is time to drop it.
----------------
Now playing: Petra Haden - Don't Stop Believin'
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
My Five Life Classes
Terina over at Life as a Military Wife tagged me to do the following meme! I actually really like this one as it reminds me of one of my favorite songs - 'Eight Easy Steps' by Alanis Morrisette (see below). I could just take all the classes that she suggests...I haven't found another song that rings so true in my life. I think I'll do this meme every year and see what classes I've taken, failed, or added!
5 Life Classes to Fix My Existence:
Devise a list of 5 courses you would take to fix your life.
It’s more fun to be in classes with friends, so include
one class from the person who tagged you that you’d also like to take.
Tag five friends to go back to school with you!
I am tagging Jessica, Liz, Ali, Eric, and Melissa - plus ANYONE who wants to do it!
Shell's Life Semester Courses
Course #1: World Religions & Philosophies 501
I've taken world religion and philosophy both before so I want
the advanced course. I want the advanced version of this class.
I want field trips to monasteries, Shinto shrines,
kaballah centers, Hindu temples, sabbath with a rabbi,
visits with theological leaders and religious greats.
Schedule seminars, which include a review
of major doctrinal beliefs, introduction to scripture,
and a question & answer period, with the Dalai Lama, Jehan Begli,
Billy Graham, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew,
Pres. Gordon Hinckley, Archbishop Williams,
Yusuf Motala, Louis Farrakhan, Bishop Tutu,
Mary Manin Morrisey, Arun Gandhi, and more
Given the religious pursuit that I find myself in, having
this class would provide me with the factual information I need
and the spiritual experiences I crave.
Course #2: Expect Reality 101
When I got married (back in 2000!) my Mom's advice to me was:
"The best advice I can give you Shell is to lower your expectations".
The truth is that I needed help setting expectations LONG
before I got married and for every aspect of life - not just marriage.
It is easy to get in a mode where you think your way of doing things
is better than the rest. You expect that people either do things
the way you want, even though you haven't communicated what that looks like.
Or maybe you expected a situation to go differently than it did and
you find yourself being disappointed, a lot. Or you expect,
when the phone rings, that the friend on the other line will actually
ask about your life even though up to this point they NEVER ask.
Even though I got this advice a while ago - I still struggle with this
and would love to make my life easier (and those around me) by
resetting or letting go of expectations.
Course #3: Countries Have Boundaries & So Should You 101
Ugh. How many times have I said 'yes' to something and then
immediately regretted it. It's even more than regret - it's more
of a burning frustration with myself wanting to be 'nice'
to someone else rather than being nice to myself.
Saying no doesn't have to be mean -does it?
Course #4: Deaf Studies & ASL 101
Did you know that people who are deaf prefer
to eat in restaurants with bright lightening? Or that
if someone can lip read that they prefer you speak at your
regular tone of voice even if they cannot hear you because when
you whisper (or do not speak) you do not enunciate as much which
makes it harder to read your lips? Did you know that when you study
sign language part of your study includes non-manual signals such
as the lowering of eyebrows, tilting of head, and placement of
shoulders? I do - but only because my uncle, who was born deaf,
his wife, his children, and my cousin have given me these tidbits.
I am amazed by the ability my uncle Steve has to make people
he is speaking too feel comfy especially when they don't sign -
but I have long been unsatisfied with my ability to fully communicate
with him. By not knowing sign, or much of deaf culture, it makes
him work more to talk with me...even if he's used to it.
I miss out on phenomenal conversations with him and would
LOVE to just sit down, relax, and chat away.
Course #5: Blood Might Be Thick - But It Is Transferable 201
This is the class of Terina's that I would take too! She called it,
"How To Do With Crazy Family Members 101"
I have been working hard on understanding the dynamics
in my family or origin and in Eric's family of origin. This doesn't
mean that I understand them all or that I deal well with them - but
I feel like I am to a place where I can see why things happen. Still,
especially after my grandpa's funeral, I feel like there is SO much more to
explore. I would like to spend a lot of time doing a detailed, relationship
genogram, looking at the roles of older sibling/middle sibling/youngest
sibling in each family, the behaviors that we learn in our first five
years that haunt us as we grow old, and especially how to let go
of the issues that affect our new families that come from the old.
It’s more fun to be in classes with friends, so include
one class from the person who tagged you that you’d also like to take.
Tag five friends to go back to school with you!
I am tagging Jessica, Liz, Ali, Eric, and Melissa - plus ANYONE who wants to do it!
Shell's Life Semester Courses
Course #1: World Religions & Philosophies 501
I've taken world religion and philosophy both before so I want
the advanced course. I want the advanced version of this class.
I want field trips to monasteries, Shinto shrines,
kaballah centers, Hindu temples, sabbath with a rabbi,
visits with theological leaders and religious greats.
Schedule seminars, which include a review
of major doctrinal beliefs, introduction to scripture,
and a question & answer period, with the Dalai Lama, Jehan Begli,
Billy Graham, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew,
Pres. Gordon Hinckley, Archbishop Williams,
Yusuf Motala, Louis Farrakhan, Bishop Tutu,
Mary Manin Morrisey, Arun Gandhi, and more
Given the religious pursuit that I find myself in, having
this class would provide me with the factual information I need
and the spiritual experiences I crave.
Course #2: Expect Reality 101
When I got married (back in 2000!) my Mom's advice to me was:
"The best advice I can give you Shell is to lower your expectations".
The truth is that I needed help setting expectations LONG
before I got married and for every aspect of life - not just marriage.
It is easy to get in a mode where you think your way of doing things
is better than the rest. You expect that people either do things
the way you want, even though you haven't communicated what that looks like.
Or maybe you expected a situation to go differently than it did and
you find yourself being disappointed, a lot. Or you expect,
when the phone rings, that the friend on the other line will actually
ask about your life even though up to this point they NEVER ask.
Even though I got this advice a while ago - I still struggle with this
and would love to make my life easier (and those around me) by
resetting or letting go of expectations.
Course #3: Countries Have Boundaries & So Should You 101
Ugh. How many times have I said 'yes' to something and then
immediately regretted it. It's even more than regret - it's more
of a burning frustration with myself wanting to be 'nice'
to someone else rather than being nice to myself.
Saying no doesn't have to be mean -does it?
Course #4: Deaf Studies & ASL 101
Did you know that people who are deaf prefer
to eat in restaurants with bright lightening? Or that
if someone can lip read that they prefer you speak at your
regular tone of voice even if they cannot hear you because when
you whisper (or do not speak) you do not enunciate as much which
makes it harder to read your lips? Did you know that when you study
sign language part of your study includes non-manual signals such
as the lowering of eyebrows, tilting of head, and placement of
shoulders? I do - but only because my uncle, who was born deaf,
his wife, his children, and my cousin have given me these tidbits.
I am amazed by the ability my uncle Steve has to make people
he is speaking too feel comfy especially when they don't sign -
but I have long been unsatisfied with my ability to fully communicate
with him. By not knowing sign, or much of deaf culture, it makes
him work more to talk with me...even if he's used to it.
I miss out on phenomenal conversations with him and would
LOVE to just sit down, relax, and chat away.
Course #5: Blood Might Be Thick - But It Is Transferable 201
This is the class of Terina's that I would take too! She called it,
"How To Do With Crazy Family Members 101"
I have been working hard on understanding the dynamics
in my family or origin and in Eric's family of origin. This doesn't
mean that I understand them all or that I deal well with them - but
I feel like I am to a place where I can see why things happen. Still,
especially after my grandpa's funeral, I feel like there is SO much more to
explore. I would like to spend a lot of time doing a detailed, relationship
genogram, looking at the roles of older sibling/middle sibling/youngest
sibling in each family, the behaviors that we learn in our first five
years that haunt us as we grow old, and especially how to let go
of the issues that affect our new families that come from the old.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Our Children
I recently finished reading Helen of Troy by Margaret George.
I found this amazing nugget of truth regarding children and feel like it captures the amazement and wonder of raising children.
In this excerpt Helen is talking about reconnecting with the daughter she abandoned for Paris, Hermione. She says:
She was not like me. One's child never is. But until your child has grown to maturity, you cannot believe it. Your children are a part of you forever, from the moment of their birth, therefore you imagine you are part of them as well. But they are entirely apart, seeking their own secrets and bearing their own disappointments. If they choose to reveal them to you, you among mothers are fortunate.
I hope, when they are older, I am among the fortunate.
I found this amazing nugget of truth regarding children and feel like it captures the amazement and wonder of raising children.
In this excerpt Helen is talking about reconnecting with the daughter she abandoned for Paris, Hermione. She says:
She was not like me. One's child never is. But until your child has grown to maturity, you cannot believe it. Your children are a part of you forever, from the moment of their birth, therefore you imagine you are part of them as well. But they are entirely apart, seeking their own secrets and bearing their own disappointments. If they choose to reveal them to you, you among mothers are fortunate.
I hope, when they are older, I am among the fortunate.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
2:20am
At 2:20am this morning my Grandpa, Robert 'Bob' Walker, passed away.
Many of you know that 'Pa Bob' (that's what the boys call him) has struggled with his health over the last two months. I've blogged about it a lot on this site. We thought he had reached a major positive turning point when he was able to come home this past Tuesday.
His body just wasn't ready for the move from the hospital and on Thursday my Grandma called 9-1-1 and he was readmitted to the ICU. My Mom and Aunt Patti flew up on Friday to be with my Grandma. The Doctor was cautiously optimistic that he would, again, turn things around. They even took out the ventilator they had put him on.
This morning my Grandma received a call from the hospital saying that they needed to intubate him again, but that he was refusing. This was his wish and my Grandma relayed that to them. The nurse then suggested that she come down to the hospital. She woke my Mom and Patti up and they joined her at the hospital.
My Grandpa was awake and very coherent. He and my Grandma shared their quiet goodbyes. He said 'Things are taken care of Joyce". She said, "Yes they are Bob. You know that. We've been through everything." He nodded. He told Mom and Patti that he loved them and that he loves his family. He asked Patti to say a prayer. After the prayer he slowed his breathing, closed his eyes, shuddered, and was gone.
My Mom said that it was very peaceful and about as good as you could want a passing to be.
I absolutely adore my Grandparents. My Grandpa has been like a 2nd Father to me - coming to events in my life, teaching me lessons about love and spirit, and showing me love at every moment. I cannot even say how much I will miss him or how my heart feels with this loss.
Yet at the same time I am so glad he is done with the fight and done with the pain.
We will be going to Utah sometime this week for the funeral on Saturday - and it will be great to have time with my family to celebrate my Grandpa.
Many of you know that 'Pa Bob' (that's what the boys call him) has struggled with his health over the last two months. I've blogged about it a lot on this site. We thought he had reached a major positive turning point when he was able to come home this past Tuesday.
His body just wasn't ready for the move from the hospital and on Thursday my Grandma called 9-1-1 and he was readmitted to the ICU. My Mom and Aunt Patti flew up on Friday to be with my Grandma. The Doctor was cautiously optimistic that he would, again, turn things around. They even took out the ventilator they had put him on.
This morning my Grandma received a call from the hospital saying that they needed to intubate him again, but that he was refusing. This was his wish and my Grandma relayed that to them. The nurse then suggested that she come down to the hospital. She woke my Mom and Patti up and they joined her at the hospital.
My Grandpa was awake and very coherent. He and my Grandma shared their quiet goodbyes. He said 'Things are taken care of Joyce". She said, "Yes they are Bob. You know that. We've been through everything." He nodded. He told Mom and Patti that he loved them and that he loves his family. He asked Patti to say a prayer. After the prayer he slowed his breathing, closed his eyes, shuddered, and was gone.
My Mom said that it was very peaceful and about as good as you could want a passing to be.
I absolutely adore my Grandparents. My Grandpa has been like a 2nd Father to me - coming to events in my life, teaching me lessons about love and spirit, and showing me love at every moment. I cannot even say how much I will miss him or how my heart feels with this loss.
Yet at the same time I am so glad he is done with the fight and done with the pain.
We will be going to Utah sometime this week for the funeral on Saturday - and it will be great to have time with my family to celebrate my Grandpa.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Bummer
I was so excited about my new blogskin - only to realize (after being told) that there is no comment section!
I am working to figure out how to add it - so please be patient! I know you all have lots to say - all three of you who read this!
I am working to figure out how to add it - so please be patient! I know you all have lots to say - all three of you who read this!
Friday, October 26, 2007
But vanity, not love, has been my folly!
It's the end of a long day at the end of a lengthy week.
To relax I decided to catch up on some blog reading. One random site I found had a Jane Austen Quiz.
How fun! Though it made me realize that it is time to pick up a complete Jane Austen collection and get cracking. I am reading Pride & Prejudice again, but it has been a long time since I read any of the others.
Still - it was fun to do this! I was surprised that I am Elizabeth, though I am tremendously attractive!
To relax I decided to catch up on some blog reading. One random site I found had a Jane Austen Quiz.
How fun! Though it made me realize that it is time to pick up a complete Jane Austen collection and get cracking. I am reading Pride & Prejudice again, but it has been a long time since I read any of the others.
Still - it was fun to do this! I was surprised that I am Elizabeth, though I am tremendously attractive!
:: L I Z Z Y ::
You are Elizabeth Bennet of Pride & Prejudice! You are intelligent, witty, and tremendously attractive. You have a good head on your shoulders, and oftentimes find yourself the lone beacon of reason in a sea of silliness. You take great pleasure in many things. You are proficient in nearly all of them, though you will never own it. Lest you seem too perfect, you have a tendency toward prejudgement that serves you very ill indeed.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Duck, duck...
Goose!
It would seem that I have been tagged by Lizalicious! Well, more than seem - I have!
I feel lucky - don't you all feel lucky that you get to read these. Stayed tuned until the end to see who I felt like tagging!!
Rules (cause we love rules):
1. The player (c'est moi) lists 6 facts/habits about themselves - try to find 6 you haven't already posted about!
2. At the end of the post, the player tags 6 people and posts their names, and then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment, letting them know they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog for the rules.
~ Six ~
It drives me absolutely bonkers when cupboards and drawers are left open. If we were robbed, I would probably close all the yanked open cupboards before actually itemizing the missing goods.
~ Five ~
For about three months in Junior High I wore fake glasses at home. I wanted to 'look smart'
and thought this must be the way to do it. Plus I looked good in them. Still to this day I'll grab
a pair of glasses just to see how much sexier I look with them - even if they kill my eyes.
~ Four ~
Every single time I do my make-up (which isn't that often any more) I find myself staring at myself in the mirror, pausing for a moment, and then breaking out with model moves or facial expressions. This isn't as a joke because some part of me still thinks I could be the next Julia Roberts.
~ Three ~
I have a dream journal. It's almost 16 years old. I haven't written in it for a while, but my dreams are so vivid that I always woke up with them still playing out, and figured it was a good way to get them out of my mind (or keep them in, depending on the dream!). There is some pretty interesting stuff in there - including some things that have come true!
~ Two ~
Shellina is my evil twin. She's not real but she's who I blame all my craziness and bad behavior on.
~ One ~
One of my pet peeves is mispronunciation. To be fair it isn't that others pronounce a word poorly but rather that I believe that they are pronouncing it wrong. We have a dictionary in our car because I will argue with my spouse about how something is said. I'm always right.
Don't you feel enlightened now? I do - and it was me I was writing about!
Now it's your turn - anyone who reads this is welcome to do it (comment and tell me so I know to check it out) but I specifically tag the following lucky people:
My wonderful, but often poorly pronouncing, hubby Eric.
Terina, the person I've known longer than my dream journal.
My non-evil twin, Michelle.
Ali because she looks smart with or without glasses.
Because Melissa probably does those facial expressions too - I've seen the pics!
Have fun!
It would seem that I have been tagged by Lizalicious! Well, more than seem - I have!
I feel lucky - don't you all feel lucky that you get to read these. Stayed tuned until the end to see who I felt like tagging!!
Rules (cause we love rules):
1. The player (c'est moi) lists 6 facts/habits about themselves - try to find 6 you haven't already posted about!
2. At the end of the post, the player tags 6 people and posts their names, and then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment, letting them know they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog for the rules.
~ Six ~
It drives me absolutely bonkers when cupboards and drawers are left open. If we were robbed, I would probably close all the yanked open cupboards before actually itemizing the missing goods.
~ Five ~
For about three months in Junior High I wore fake glasses at home. I wanted to 'look smart'
and thought this must be the way to do it. Plus I looked good in them. Still to this day I'll grab
a pair of glasses just to see how much sexier I look with them - even if they kill my eyes.
~ Four ~
Every single time I do my make-up (which isn't that often any more) I find myself staring at myself in the mirror, pausing for a moment, and then breaking out with model moves or facial expressions. This isn't as a joke because some part of me still thinks I could be the next Julia Roberts.
~ Three ~
I have a dream journal. It's almost 16 years old. I haven't written in it for a while, but my dreams are so vivid that I always woke up with them still playing out, and figured it was a good way to get them out of my mind (or keep them in, depending on the dream!). There is some pretty interesting stuff in there - including some things that have come true!
~ Two ~
Shellina is my evil twin. She's not real but she's who I blame all my craziness and bad behavior on.
~ One ~
One of my pet peeves is mispronunciation. To be fair it isn't that others pronounce a word poorly but rather that I believe that they are pronouncing it wrong. We have a dictionary in our car because I will argue with my spouse about how something is said. I'm always right.
Don't you feel enlightened now? I do - and it was me I was writing about!
Now it's your turn - anyone who reads this is welcome to do it (comment and tell me so I know to check it out) but I specifically tag the following lucky people:
My wonderful, but often poorly pronouncing, hubby Eric.
Terina, the person I've known longer than my dream journal.
My non-evil twin, Michelle.
Ali because she looks smart with or without glasses.
Because Melissa probably does those facial expressions too - I've seen the pics!
Have fun!
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