Stalemate

I have a feeling that this period of time will be one, several years from now, that I look back on and smile at.  Smile because the boys were at such a wonderful age.  That I could take them on the bus, hide under the kitchen table, or teach them the words to ABBA's Mamma Mia and every experience they eat up.  Then they look at me with their bright eyes and smile.  I won't always get that smile.

But mostly I think I'll look back at this time and smile because I'll remember thinking that I'd never get past this point in my life.   This point I'm at right now.  Where decisions need to be made, plans laid, and actions taken.  Yet with each one I feel as though I'm at a stalemate.  For me, it's a crummy place to be.  I like beginning and end.  I like problem and solution.  I like checkbox and check mark.  

One of the hardest things is organizing my mind.  I am usually an incredibly organized person but right now I feel like the right-side of my brain is in protest with the left.  And my mouth is in mutiny with the rest of my body.  

With all of that floating around it was brilliant to read Liz's comments about organization over at backwards attraction.  Now not only do I value her because of her life-saving kill.the.gluten recipes but also as a kindred spirit in this world of mental disorganization.  Her words illustrated, all too keenly, the place I feel.   I do exactly what she refers to - a list of 500+ things I could do, some that I should do, but few that I will do.  Then I end the day wondering where my time went, what success I found, and how to gear myself up for another day of openendedness.  

So here's my list for today.  Don't scoff at it.   Hopefully I'll end the day with a clear vision of what I've done and it will all help to move me from a sense of stale to the place where I can look back and smile.  Thanks for the inspiration Liz.

To Do List:

- thank you notes for Walker's birthday/UT trip

- 2-3 blog posts on AinB

- drop off overdue "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" movie to library

- one hour of job search stuff (preferably during nap time)

- dinner

- put pictures on CD for Neighborhood Church class

- swim with the boys (and hopefully Eric too!)